Daytime Activities
It was pissing down like a thousand racehorses on Friday. The first and probably the best thing to happen was a trip to the Food Emporium where Fat Pimp and Greasy Maul tucked into a couple of “cheese steak pies”. Americans’ idea of a “pie” is like two pieces of pizza with fatty stuff in the middle, in this case mince and plenty of cheese. They were OK for the first couple of bites but soon the mistake was plain to see - oil dripping down the boys’ chins gave the game away and we thought we might need the Burger King CPR kit. Mentioning the words “cheese”, “steak” and “pie” together still makes us want to spew.Toting our dodgy $3 umbrellas we missioned to the Soup Nazi’s kitchen, to be disappointed when we found it has closed down! We took pics anyway and then got a cab to the Guggenheim for some high-falutin’ cultural experiences. But first we had to wait half a cold, wet hour in the queue outside the Guggs, which had some awesome art but wasn’t too different to MoMA from the day before so, like, whatever. The coolest art was Picasso’s “Lobster and Cat” painting…he’s a wacky character.The Apple store on 5th Avenue is rad, a big glass cube with a round glass elevator and lots of shiny bits. We played with iPhones and Pimp got a phone call from some random dude on the iPhone who’d been pranked from the demo phone.
Cheesecake Search
Next up we were boys on the hunt, looking for some…cheesecake. How hard can it be to find New York baked cheesecake in New York City? Very. A bloke told us to go to Little Italy so we got the subway down there and walked around for an hour…but eventually we found the lightest, fluffiest cheesecake in the world. Sweeeeet.
We shopped a bit in Soho and then fanged it back to the hotel, where Carl was nanna-napping under the covers with his RM Williams and jeans still on. Hello Australia.
Love to Have a Beer With Ryan…
Boston friend Ryan arrived that night with 30 Canadian beers, so we decided to let him in and take most of the beer off his hands. We’re good like that. Canadian beer shits on USA beer, no doubt.
We spent a couple of hours taking the piss out of each others’ accents and then headed to a japanese restaurant to eat green beans and drink Japanese beer. For little people, Japanese have big cans - of beer!
Pimp then slept through most of the comedy show but it was mostly funny as piss with the first chick comedian’s jokes about anal sex and abortion getting everyone warmed up.
Pubbin’ It
Across the street from the comedy place we found a club with beers and girls who dig Oz accents — sweet! Started to sink quite a few more Bud waters, then the camera came out and we proceeded to take about a hundred photos of us eyeballing, groping and licking each other. Paul found himself a group of girls to get acquainted with — getting jiggy yeah!
Boys (and Paul) think Paul is in and he gets directions to a new bar so we leave without the girls for this new watering hole, assuming girls will also follow — they didn’t 
Paulos cried. Damn lesbians!
Glenn was so upset that he decided to go home as it appeared New York City is a lesbian cesspool. Ryan being the switched-on character that he is, discovers that he has left his ID at our hotel leaving us denied entry to the next pub “The Dorian”. Luckily along came Michelle, who worked in the pub and she helped us sneak in the Seppo.
This girl had like an orange aura and a sexy Irish accent to boot — anticipation of Dublin greatly increases. After what felt like an hour, the bouncer lets us in because the fuzz across the street have disappeared.
Lads tear up the dance floor like it’s 1989 back when George Michael was still hip. Moves like the chicken, the penguin, the robot and the newly invented “umbrella thrust” all get a look in. The boys were on fire and the lesbians were starting to reconsider their sexual orientation. BOOYA! SNAP!
Just as Eddie had started locking in sure things for the boys, the lights came on and the music went off and roided bouncers step onto the floor. Appears their moves are more Tyson than Timberlake (without the biting).
Outside more time is spent with Michelle and the lads waiting for the roofies to kick in and meeting one of the dirtiest, sleaziest guys we’ve met since Fabio — Shannon Christmas.
To save Michelle from the Christmas she hops in a cab with the boys and we get dropped off at our hotel. Michelle stays in the cab but that ginger magic gets her number! Things are looking up people, things are looking up!
Finally, we get home and trash our hotel room, Black Sabbath style, and pass out.
Ginger Magic, Piggsy Paul, Monkey Mojo & Glenn.
