In a weak and failed attempt to remain in Thailand and not face the harsh realities of returning to Australia and work, I decided to flirt with danger and leave my credit card in an ATM, walking off with my cash like the fool I am (yeah I’d do it again, because that’s what a fool does). Note that all blame lies with the ATM itself for spitting out the cash and card at the same time, leaving me wide-eyed at the prospects of spending those crisp notes and sending a rush of blood to my head, causing me to run off with the cash and leave my credit card dangling like a key to consumerist heaven’s gates where you can buy anything you want using some other poor bastard’s money.
Nevertheless the other lads were helpful and generous, sorting me out with enough funds to get home safely and helping me look everywhere for the card etc, thanks a million boys.
To cut out the boring bits (haha you thought these were it didn’t you) I ended up at Bangkok airport. I had already booked a hotel but you go to a little desk at the cab rank to order your taxi and they allocate you a car from one of the thousands waiting eagerly for dumb tourists, and when i went to said desk to get a taxi the lady there looked at my destination and chuckled “ohh hoho” so i started freaking out that it was a dodgy area filled with prostitutes and gangs, or really far away, or something worse.
So then the taxi driver was asking me why i wasn’t staying somewhere closer, and that the place I’d booked (Floraville Serviced Apartments) is 35 mins away, what about these places (note that he was waving his hand towards a big glowing “Novotel” sign on a hotel), they’re only 1000 baht a night? I’m going “errrr dammit i paid 1600 and it’s miles away” and picturing being stuck for hours in the morning in Bangkok’s notorious traffic and missing my flight.
So I make a snap decision (uh-oh…) and decide to ditch my 1600 baht hotel in the sticks for a local 1000 baht one, assuming my friendly taxi man will turn around and deliver me to the shiny, neon-lit Novotel where I will be whisked to a bed of soft feathers and carried to my plane in the morning by beautiful maidens singing like angels.
But actually the taxi dropped me at “Valentine Resort” serviced apartments (”same same” as Floraville, says the taxi driver) which really is close to the airport, you can see (and hear!) the planes thundering up the runway, and it’s a pink building and it is indeed only 1000 Baht for what’s actually a pretty decent room with a great air conditioner, two beds (one is enormous) and a TV.
As if that’s not enough, 5 minutes after I enter my room the doorman who brought up my bag knocks on the door and another gentleman asks if I would like a Thai massage! I panic and slam the door in his face politely decline.
The next morning arrives to my relief and the phone rings at the specified time for my wake up call — things are going swell. I head downstairs to wait for my taxi and the friendly staff sell me a disgusting coffee for 20 baht, then a sleek (ok boxy but clean) Volvo arrives that gently wafts me to the airport on its leather couch seats in under ten minutes for only 100 baht (like three bucks). I’m a happy man until I join the endless Thai check-in queue.
Once on the plane, I realise to my dismay that the flight goes via Sydney and that is the reason for it taking nearly 12 hours, the Sydney leg is only slightly more than 8 hours and then it’s lots of stuffing about to eventually reach Brisbane. But despite the Greek fellas beside me complaining about everything from the food to the other passengers it’s pretty tolerable and I arrive in Brisbane to buy some duty-free grog using my remaining borrowed Thai Baht in the Australian duty-free shop. I’m getting grog, they’re getting paid — how good is this!
End of holiday, you can guess how pumped I am for work tomorrow wheee!
Novice-Seat-of-Pants-Traveller Pimp
